OK so I just spent a week in the hospital..ICU thank you very much... and have since found a new zest for life. There are so many things undone. So many words unsaid, so many choices which I never bothered to aknowledge. I have been forced into a position in which I am no longer aloud to smoke anything. And I enjoy smoking all of it... Cigarettes were easy to quit. Because it's logical. Having the direct medical excuse gave me a backdor to quit smokes without 'copping out' as most smokers will understand.
Weed was/is a different story. It's such a common, socially acceptable thing (compared to cigs) that the choice to quit seems irrational or atleast unimportant. But it's deceptive. It's too easy to say weed either isn't the problem or that I'm aware it's a problem etc. The fact is weed is one of the problems. there are many and smoking dope every day all day was one. It's not as bad as so many other things... but it's not good
weed makes me passive, insecure, content, relaxed and happy to have weed. It takes the edge off, or more accuratly my edge away...
I do like it though. Alot. And if I didn't have a medical condition that forced me to not smoke, I'd continue doing it, and love doing it all day...
but for now, I'll enjoy the confidant anger that fuels my daily routine
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